Better

We talked this morning. He was still furious and telling me how I was so horrible for reducing our relationship to money and he started lashing out again. But I repeated “Do you think I’m entitled to a different point of view?” over and over and over and over again until he was forced to respond.

Once he was willing to engage on a ‘talking about it’ level instead of a lashing out at me level, things got better. We talked for about an hour. It was pretty hard, we really didn’t have common ground for a long time, but we kind of got to a good place.

I talked about how he goes from 0 to 100 instantly, that there’s never an in between. He talked about how I get to this detached place where there’s a wall down. I talked about how I don’t feel like I can go to him when I have an emotional need. He talked about how he feels like he’s doing all these things for me and I don’t notice. and on and on.

In the end I said that I am detached. That I feel like talking to him doesn’t get anywhere and I’ve sort of given up. That I’m walking away in my heart and I’m scared that we’re not going to make it. That I didn’t push therapy because he seemed so against it, but that I didn’t know what else to do.

So he told me to call Arlene. I suggested maybe finding someone else because he didn’t like her, but he said he liked her enough. I resisted, because I think he has to be engaged for it to work, and he seemed to think it would be ok… Keeping fingers crossed.

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